


02: Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez

by thestarsjustblinkforus



Series: Unrequited [2]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 23:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarsjustblinkforus/pseuds/thestarsjustblinkforus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>...she has no experience with kindness, with gentleness, but she reaches out, she tries to comfort because it is Marius and she loves Marius even though she knows it’s a terrible idea to love anyone…</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	02: Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez

_She knew something was wrong._

_She knew it while the rest of them laughed and drank and paid him no attention as he sat alone at the end of the bar staring into his glass with a kind of dazed anguish that she knows, that she **recognizes** , because she’s very familiar with **how did everything get so fucked**. She saw it the second she stepped inside and she went to him, ignoring a “Hey...” from Library Boy as she passed because Marius's friends are assholes. Even Library Boy, no matter how nice he seems is an asshole, because Marius’s hands **always** shake like this when he’s in pain. He can tell you he's fine, and maybe he can even make you believe it sometimes, but one look at his hands..._

_His friends should have known. They should have known like she had known._

_She tosses her last tenner on the bar and leads him out of the Corinth to an utterly inebriated howl of “Get it!” from his roommate. She throws a two-fingered fuck off over her shoulder as they pass through the door and the second it closes he exhales as though he has been holding his breath the whole time he’s been in there._

_He stumbles back against the wall, chokes out, “He’s dead, ‘Ponine” into the cradle of his shaking hands and she has no experience with kindness, with gentleness, but she reaches out, she tries to comfort because it is Marius and she loves Marius even though she knows it’s a terrible idea to love anyone…_

_She carefully places her hands over his hands and it starts to rain and it’s too cold for summer, and he’s shivering, she’s shivering._

_She curls her fingers lightly over his wrists that are thin and delicate for a boy's, like hers almost, and she takes his hands away from his face. She places her palm against his cheek instead and she has never dared to touch him this way._

_He looks down at her, his eyes shining, and she gazes back up at him, her own saying, **you can tell me, you can tell me anything you want or nothing at all...**_

_And he takes a breath, a breath like a sob, half reaching out, his fingers just brushing against her skirt before falling back helplessly to his sides where they clutch the edge of his shirt instead._

_“He was all I had…” he whispers and she knows he’s talking about his grandfather, she knows how complicated this is now because she was there the day the old man disowned him on the street. She was there and he let her be there then like he’s letting her be here now and she nods, she brings him to her, she tries to enfold him, feeling too small, not enough, but he sinks into her, he holds tight, his lips pressed against the curve of her neck and she can feel his tears there, his warm breath._

_She whispers in his ear, “I’m going to take you home, ok?” and he nods once still in her embrace before breaking away with a gasp to start the long walk, still clinging to her hand._

_By the time they reach the flat he shares with Courfeyrac they are both soaked through. He nods at the door on the left and she leads him to his bedroom. She undresses him after a handful of aborted attempts on his part to undo the buttons of his shirt, peeling the fabric back from his shoulders, her fingertips just grazing the skin over his heart. His head is bowed and she can not bring herself to look up at him as her hands go to his belt buckle and undoes that as well._

_He kicks off his shoes, turns away from her as he steps out of his jeans, pressing one hand against the wall to steady himself and she knows she should go. He is home and he is safe and she should go but she stands there in the dark of his bedroom unmoving, unable to move. They have not bothered to turn on the light. His window is open and there is moonlight. His bare back is blue like something alien and smooth and she longs to cup his shoulder blades in her hands, to rest her face there between them…_

_He starts to shake again, soft bursts of air. She takes off her blouse, cold and clinging to her like second unwanted skin, and she comes to him, she wraps her arms around his middle, she does what she wants, she presses her cheek against his skin, she gives him her warmth, and he takes her hand, resting lightly against his abdomen and slides it up to his heart and holds it there._

_They stay that way for awhile until they hear Courfeyrac come home with someone. There’s a burst of laughter and then a flurry of shh’s and then a door slam, muffled giggles from the other side. She guides him away from the wall then, to the bed then, and he follows her like a trusting child._

_She eases him down and leans to kiss his forehead just once before she leaves but he lifts his face up to hers and catches her lips and she does not breathe she does not move until he draws back just the slightest bit as if waiting, as if unsure of what he has done and she does not make him wait long. She holds his face in her hands like something precious and she dips her head to kiss him back as his hands grasp her skirt, cold and wet from the rain and he does not seem to mind it at all as she sinks down beside him._

_They kiss, gentle, unhurried, and his eyes are closed tight the whole time... ___

**Author's Note:**

> Track 02: Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKo8Czj112I


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